For me, love is something you earn. I just don’t hand it out willy-nilly. Do people even use that expression anymore? Whatever. The point is, I don’t understand how people love others, or fall in love with others, so easily and so often. It seems like a weakness to me, giving into love without making one earn it from you, without making them work for it. So when I do decide I love someone, they really earned it. In my mind that means they’re worthy of it, and most people aren’t. So that’s really saying something. But when someone I love betrays me, when someone I love abandons me or leaves me, it hurts so much more than it should. Because in my mind I regarded that person so highly. I had such respect for him. Was it all an act?
Was being my friend, one of my best friends, all just an act to get in my pants? Was that the whole premise of the friendship? That sucks. I mean that really sucks. You were important to me. Your friendship was important to me. I liked you as a person,; I respected you. And I don’t respect many people. Most people I look down upon or am disgusted or disappointed in. I thought you were different. I’m done with love. It is for the weak. And yes, I am fully aware of how bitter I sound. But that’s what I’ve become, a bitter cynic. A realist.
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